Dark Night of the soul
by Mansi jain
Summary: After spending 15 years in the Riddle Manor in Tom Riddle's captivation, a submissive and an emotionally starved Draco is asked to capture Harry Potter in exchange for her freedom. It's just that she doesn't know what freedom tastes like or what she will do with it. She doesn't know about the bond created between Harry and her by their parents at the age of 2. FemDM FemSB NO NONCON
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: All rights belong to Rowling and the relevant corporations. I make no money from the publication of this "work."

 ** _Prologu_** e

In the darkness of the forbidden forest, a bargain takes place between two most powerful men of this century. At the same spot, three days later, they meet again.

A crying child is handed over to one and freedom of the wizarding world is handed over to the other.

"Don't cry my darling Draconisa. Shhhh." The man croons in a sickeningly sweet voice and the child starts wailing. She is only two years old and can't understand much but she does understand that this man whom she has been given to is not a nice man.

As the man retreats from the forest, the sobs of the little girl become louder. Even when she is placed in a crib in the room she has been provided in the man's house, she doesn't stop crying.

Where is mother? Where is father? She wonders, crying to herself.

At Hogwarts, in a small room with red colored walls and several toys scattered all over the floor, a two year old boy is crying too, though he doesn't understand why. Neither do Lily and James Potter who are trying to calm their son for the past fifteen minutes now. Albus had told them that the binding won't harm the kids in any way. Then why won't Harry stop crying.

In another part of Hogwarts. Narcissa Malfoy starts wailing loudly and heart-wrenchingly when she realizes that her daughter has disappeared.

The entire wizarding world celebrates the victory the next day. No-one can hear the sobs of little Draconisa Malfoy who is crying alone in her room for her mommy and daddy.

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	2. Chapter 1 Obedience

**_Chapter-1_**

 ** _Obedience_**

 ** _Draconisa_**

"Down Draconisa." He commands me. I don't dare to look into his eyes. He is throwing a party today. It's at six PM in the evening. He says that he will be inviting some of his old friends. I know who his friends are. They leer at me and I am not allowed to do anything but keep my head lowered. I dare not even think anything against him or his friends for he might already be in my mind. I am not allowed to stop him. It doesn't really hurt when he does so it doesn't really matter. Initially, it had been a bit uncomfortable but I have got used to it now. It seems natural. He can enter and leave as he wants. Sometimes, I don't even know that he is there.

I kneel on my knees in front of him, my hands folded behind me, dressed in my uniform. It's a Monday morning and I am supposed to wear a Grey shirt and a knee-length white skirt today. I have to wear my hair in a bun on my head. He is sitting on his throne in front of me. I am not supposed to eat anything today. I can drink water though. I don't know why he has summoned me. He only does it when he needs to check whether I am following the instructions or not. I remember them by heart.

He hadn't let me eat anything for a complete week the last time I had forgotten to wear my hair in a bun. I had an omelet yesterday evening and it was at five. My tummy is hurting. I try to shove the thought to the back of my mind. I can't let him know that I am starving. He will be angry at me.

I place my hands palm-down on the floor and bow until my forehead is touching the floor before murmuring, "Yes Master." With very gentle hands, he strokes the back of my shoulder. I close my eyes in sheer relief. A week has passed since he did this. I have been good this week. I have followed all the rules. I have not stepped out of the line at all. I have eaten only six meals although I was starving and my tummy hurt badly. His thumb strokes the nape of neck and that's when I start getting uncomfortable and he pulls his hand as if I have burned him. I don't understand why this happens although I am really very relieved.

"Stand up and wear your collar." He commands and I stand up. I keep my face lowered and wear my collar around my neck. It's a black leather band. My name 'Draconisa' is written on the front.

"On all fours." He commands and I oblige. When I am done, he attaches the leash to the back of my collar and pulls it. I have to ensure that I keep my face lowered, no matter how much my neck aches. I feel a sense of shame wash over me and try very desperately to keep it away as he walks ahead of me pulling the leash. My knees hurt and my palms ache. As he pulls me towards the door, I hear snickers and snorts. It's windy today and due to the wind that is coming through the several windows of the manor, my skirt rides up and down again and again. I can feel eyes on me but I can't do anything to prevent it.

' _Don't you want this Draconisa_.' I hear him murmur in my mind and shiver. I must not feel anything. I am so hungry and every part of my body is tired.

' _I do, master_.' I reply mentally. Soon we are out of the manor and in the garden. He pulls the leash and I go along with him. My neck is hurting and he pulls harder.

"Say Draconisa, what are you to me?"

"I am your pet." I reply politely.

"You make such a nice pet Draconisa. You are so well trained." He continues softly and I nod before murmuring, "I am honored to be trained by you master. I am your pet. I am a good pet ain't I master?" My response is automatic. I don't even think before replying to him. It won't bode well if I hesitate at all.

"Yes yes you are." He replies and pulls the leash harder. My tongue lolls out of my mouth. Once again, I hear snickers and chuckles around me.

Only a few minutes have passed but it seems that it has been hours when finally he turns back towards the manor.

"The party is at six today. You will serve the dishes to everyone on all fours. Ensure that you are wearing your collar. If you are good, I might let you have a proper meal tonight. After all it's your birthday today." He murmurs. I swallow, elated that I will be allowed to eat tonight because I might faint from starvation otherwise and I must not do so. I won't be allowed out of my room for at least a week if it happens.

"Yes Master." I reply obediently and he pulls me inside the manor. As the door closes, I hear a click. But I don't dare to look at him. I know that he is clicking a picture. He told me that does that sometimes.

"These muggle contraptions are called cameras. Quite useful they are you know." He murmurs and takes out the leash from my collar before continuing, "Continue pet. Go to your room. Don't stand up until you are inside and don't remove the collar. You will read the book on unforgivables I gave yesterday to you. I want you to learn the curses and incantations on page number 465 and 466 before the party today."

"Yes Master." I reply and comply with his words, crawling slowly towards my room. My knees are bleeding and I am leaving trails of blood behind me. In the garden, a stone had scratched my palm rather painfully and so my left palm is bleeding too. Maybe Binky will apply something on the wounds. It doesn't matter though. I am used to the pain. Only after I have reached my room and closed the door, do I crawl upon my bed and take out the book. I must learn the curses. I can't disappoint him. But my eyes are drooping and I am so tired that I can't stay awake any longer. the moment I settle on my small bed, my eyes close and I fall asleep.

XXXX


	3. Chapter 2 Her Shame

**_Chapter-2_**

 _ **Her Shame**_

 ** _Harry_**

Sitting in front of my godmother and her husband who is also my professor to discuss about my relationship issues is awkward but the clumsy attempt to kiss Cho, Lavender and Ginny was more horrible and somehow I know that it was not due to my inexperience. It became even more serious when the most stunning girl among all houses, Parkinson attempted to kiss me and I hated it. It was not that I just hated it. The main thing was that I didn't want it.

"Am I gay?" I ask, my cheeks tinged red and sweat glistening on my forehead because that's what I have been wondering for the past couple of years. Aunt Siria stares at me, her jaw open in shock whereas Uncle Severus simply rubs his forehead in sheer exhaustion.

"Why exactly are you asking this from us? You turned seventeen this year and must know about your sexual inclinations." Uncle Severus asks me and although he seems uncomfortable to discuss this with me, he doesn't leave. He sits in front of me and waits expectantly.

"I tried to kiss some girls but I didn't like it." I start and my cheeks feel warm and I am so very embarrassed that I want to bolt out of this room.

"Harry, have you discussed this with Lily?" Aunt Siria asks me out of the blue and I look at her before nodding.

"Yes, I talked to dad and mom but they don't want to consider this as a serious problem. They simply want me to find a girl and make her my girlfriend and then marry her in a couple of years to pop mini Potters." I growl furiously because it's ridiculous. How can I marry someone I can't as much as kiss.

Aunt Siria doesn't look surprised. She shares a look with Uncle Severus and they have a silent conversation. I avert my eyes enviously. I am seventeen and need someone too. I just want to feel close to someone. Is that too much to ask for.

"Why do you think that you are gay?" Uncle Severus asks him, his eyes careful. He is a picture of grace and poise, dressed in black robes and trousers to go with a white shirt. His right ankle is on his left knee and his hands are folded together on his right calf.

"I don't like kissing girls." I whisper and stare at the floor.

"Do you like kissing boys then?" Aunt Siria asks. It's a question, not a statement and she seems curious.

"No."

"Harry you can discuss this with your parents if you want. I can talk to them for you if that will make you comfortable." Aunt Siria continues and Harry stares at her. His eyes flick towards Uncle Severus's unreadable face.

"You are as much my parents as they are. Also, it was too easy for them wasn't it? They knew that they were made for each other and both of you didn't. You fought with everyone and stood for your relationship. They are not paying attention to my problem. Ron has Hermione and even Dean has a girlfriend now and I- I just- it's lonely sometimes." I finish my speech and Uncle Severus sighs.

"Harry, do you remember complaining that you feel sad although there is no reason you should. It still happens doesn't it?" Uncle Severus continues.

"Severus, do you think this is wise. They might get an order preventing both of us from speaking to him. They will marry him off to some pureblood chit and that's completely unfair. The only thing that is stopping them is that we won't let it happen. Once Wizengamot asks you to stay away, you won't be able to interfere without ruining everything you have worked for. They will revoke your potions Mastership." Aunt Siria sounds frantic and frustrated. I sit straight and stare at them, perplexed.

"He is not a minor now and technically they can't keep us away from them and I - I will have to take this risk now. Lucius is still receiving those wretched photographs. It's been fifteen years and she is still suffering. We have searched everywhere, Merlin knows where he has taken her. I have tried everything I could. I can't find her. You saw those photographs didn't you." His eyes are moist and my heart is in my throat now. Uncle Severus never displays his weakness.

Aunt Siria swallows as she starts, "What are you trying to say?"

"They are still bound. We can use the bond to - to finish her off. The bond can be manipulated. I can do it."

The silence that follows is deafening. I don't understand what they are talking about. I don't know about any bond and who are they talking about but interrupting them will not be correct. I want to know exactly what is happening. Who are they going to finish off.

"That is barbaric. We can't just kill her Severus. What about Narcissa and Lucius. Don't they have a right to decide. She is their daughter." Aunt Siria whispers after sniffing a bit. She blinks her eyes to keep her tears at bay and succeeds although barely.

"Yes, I spoke to them. They have reached their breaking point now. She is not living. He has turned her into - into-"

"Please stop. All right. Then we must be quick. The latest photographs he sent- the sooner the better. We must end her misery." Aunt Siria says and I feel that I must interrupt now.

"What the fuck is going on? Will you tell me?" I hiss at them.

"It's better that we have this discussion in front of your parents and the elder Malfoys. Dumbledore should be present too. I will firecall Lupin to come as well though I doubt that he will grace us with his presence. He had left this country just before that meeting fifteen years ago and hasn't returned since." Uncle Severus says and I nod, not understanding what he is saying.

"Also, Lily will try to keep us away from you after today. She might get a legal order-"

"I am not a child. I am not a minor and they can't impose their decisions on me." I snap at them, beyond worried now. "And you are not murdering anyone."

"We will have to kill her. There is no other option. We can not let this continue." Uncle Severus says. He is literally leant towards me. His eyes are boring in mine and they are steeled. He has already decided.

"I don't care what your bastard of parents think. I am not letting my goddaughter suffer anymore." He continues, "For once Lucius and Narcissa have agreed. You will not stop me from relieving god daughter from her misery."

I breath deeply and try to reign my fury but then something happens. Shame settles in the pit of stomach and it's almost impossible to contain. I have often felt sad and miserable for unknown reasons but it has never been so strong. I look out of the window. Sun is setting and it's already six PM.

I swallow several times and try hard to get over this- whatever this is. I don't understand why my throat feels heavy and why my eyes are prickling.

"Harry, what's the matter?" Aunt Siria says. Somehow, five minutes have passed and she is bent over me, her eyes concerned.

"What are you feeling?" Uncle Severus asks and I answer him honestly, "Ashamed. Bloody hell, why do I feel so ashamed. I have only failed in giving a few kisses. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Why do I-" My shoulders shake with a sob and sadness overcomes my body.

I look at them with wet eyes and whisper in a low and dangerous voice, "It's never been so strong. What the hell is this? Will you tell me?"

He ignores me and stares at Aunt Siria whose eyes are closed now. Her forehead is creased and she has never seemed so tired.

"I want to - I want to-" I lose the train of my thought when a lump settles in my throat and unshed tears burn my eyes.

"Something is happening again. We must relieve her if we can't save her." Uncle Severus concludes and as suddenly as it had come, it's gone.

"I don't understand. It's gone now. I feel numb. How is this possible?" I ask and Aunt Siria slumps beside Uncle Severus. It's clear that they are not going to say anything.

"TELL ME." I yell and stand up. They jump in surprise before looking at me, "I have always told you about - about these strange episodes and you have never indicated that you know about their cause."

"Lily and James are to to be blamed for that. Don't shout at us." He hissed, "They are selfish bastards. We have literally begged them to do something. Even Lucius went as far as kneeling and begging Lily with folded hands. She got him thrown out of your manor."

I stare at him.

"You want to know, don't you? Well that's good because I am going to tell you today exactly what your parents agreed to do when you were only two."

"Severus, he is not at fault. Shouting at him won't lead us anywhere."

"You just saw what happened. I don't want him to lead me anywhere now. I just want to finish her misery. We are never going to find her."

"All right, we will go to Dumbledore then. It will be the best place, seeing that it had started over there." Aunt Siria murmurs and stands up, "Get up Severus. Let's go."

Uncle Severus nods and stands beside his aunt. Together, they floo over to the headmaster's office.

XXXX


	4. Chapter 3 Revelation

**_Chapter-3_**

 ** _Revelation_**

 _ **Severus**_

A strong sense of deja vu hits me as I look around Albus's office. We have gathered here once again. The only difference is that Harry is seventeen years old now. Lucius and Narcissa are sitting across Albus. Narcissa is staring blankly at the table and Lucius is looking at his hands as if they hold the secrets of this world. Fifteen years have passed and Lucius is not the proud aristocratic man he used to be. He is a broken man. He looks older than his age and has lost almost all his money in trying to locate Draco. All he has is his manor now in which he lives alone with his wife.

A pale Lily is standing with a suspicious looking James Potter. Remus Lupin is once again absent from the meeting. I am sitting with Siria on one side and Harry on my other.

"What is this all about? I had thought that all this was sorted out. Lily informed me that Draconisa had died and the bond-" Potter mutters with narrowed eyes and I stare incredulously at him and then at Lily. She is getting paler by the second. Lucius doesn't say anything and Narcissa doesn't have the strength. I can't believe that she lied to her husband about it.

"What is this bloody bond everyone is going on about? When was I bonded and with whom?" Harry snaps angrily.

We ignore him. No-one has the courage to look into the boy's eyes and confess the truth.

"Are you insane James. Draconisa is very much alive. She is in someone's captivity and is being tortured into submission as we speak. Lucius and Narcissa have been getting photographs for past fifteen years now. They have begged Lily to ask you to help them. They wanted to meet you too but you ignored everything. I had thought that you were a better man. I had never known that you will sink so low as to seek revenge from a child, a child James. Do you have any shame?" Siria wants to strangle the man. It's been years since she last met this wretched man. Severus entwines their fingers together and stops her.

"Will anyone tell me what the hell is going on?" Harry asks once again and his voice is shaking now. Maybe he is having one of his episodes once again. I don't want to think about it but I am forced to imagine the various tortures my goddaughter is undergoing.

Meanwhile, Potter has frozen and his eyes are on Lily.

"You lied to me." He whispers and Lily swallows, "You told me that Lucius informed you about Draconisa's death. You said that they didn't want to make a show of it and didn't want it to be all over the papers. You lied. Had I known that she is alive, I would have taken Harry seriously."

"Dad." Suddenly Harry hisses and we turn to look at him.

XXXX

 ** _Harry_**

Once again, I am forced to feel the shame that is apparently not mine. Once again, I am forced to feel the sadness that doesn't belong to me. I stare at my shaking hands. I try to stand but I stumble. My body is exhausted and this has literally never happened ever before. Of course I feel tired quite often but I have never felt that the tiredness doesn't belong to me.

My eyes are dropping and I have to blink several times to stay bloody awake. I don't understand what is happening. Dad is bent over me and I am trying to focus on him but I am feeling too tired and just want to sleep.

"I slept for nine hours yesterday night. This- I am not tired. Why am I feeling so tired? I don't understand. I-" I break off when we hear a tapping on the window. I squint at it and headmaster lets the owl in. The letter is for Lucius Malfoy whose eyes are wide.

The moment Lucius opens the envelope and goes through the components, he drops them on the table as if they have burned his hands.

"Fuck." He curses and Narcissa starts sobbing quietly.

I try to breath and focus. I can't fall asleep right now. I can't. I get up and push dad away. He is obviously involved in whatever has happened.

"Harry don't look at them Don't." Uncle Severus warns me and Aunt Siria tries to hold me back. I glare at them and hurry towards the table. By the time, I reach the fucking table however, dad has already summoned them. I squint and realize that he is holding some photographs.

"Fucking hell. What is this?" Dad's voice is strangled and hoarse as he flips towards the photographs. Lucius takes some more out of his robes and passes them to his dad, his eyes focusing on his hands again.

"Why was I never told about this? Why? What the fuck is this? This has been going on for fucking fifteen years and all this while I was thinking that she died because of us. Death is better then what is suffering right now."

My head is pounding and my forearms are aching.

"Stop shouting dad." I hiss, my hands rubbing my forehead.

A chair creaks and Lucius gets up before staring at dad and speaking hoarsely, "We tried to contact you. Every-time, your wife told us that she was representing you and your son and that you didn't want anything to do with us."

"You have to believe me, Malf- Lucius. I didn't know about this. She lied."

"Now we are left with no option James."Aunt Siria hisses, her blazing eyes on her former best friend, "You have always been blind where Lily is concerned. We have to manipulate the bond and end her life. We can't find her. We have tried everything." Uncle Severus is practically stopping her from lunging at dad.

"She is right Potter." Uncle Severus says in a steady voice and I am really surprised how he is managing because from what little I have understood, they are going to kill his goddaughter.

"There must be some other way." Dad whispers and I simply stare as mom slides down the wall before covering her face and bursting in helpless sobs.

This is the point when headmaster finally speaks out. He clears his throat and looks at everyone one by one before speaking in a monotone, "We must tell them Lily."

Mom stands up, her entire frame shaking and walks towards the headmaster. She sits down on a spare chair and places her hands on the table.

"The war was ugly and James used to return battered and bruised. Even after we had lost, he continued going on raids. Then one evening, Albus came to me and told me that Voldemort will back off but he wants something in return. I asked as to what it was because I was desperate and terrified for James. He said that Voldemort wanted Malfoy's daughter. I wanted to refuse but couldn't because I thought that - that-"

"-that she was a former death eater's daughter and didn't matter." Dad murmured, his eyes wide and his body too still. I cannot believe that mom is capable of this monstrosity.

"NO. I thought that if a child's sacrifice could save this country then- then so be it. Albus said that the bond will prevent anyone from assaulting her sexually or inflicting any kind of physical pain on her and the bond would be gone after the child's death." Mom's voice is so small that she is barely audible but each and every word she says is ingrained in my mind. I will never forget this day.

"You didn't expect her to live so long and after her death, Harry would have been free. That's all you cared about." Narcissa whispered brokenly, "What about my daughter? You sold her to him. How could you do so?"

"This means that he is alive. Voldemort is not really dead?" Lucius asks quietly, "You betrayed everyone including Potter. Didn't you think to tell us even once. We could have found an alternate way. We could have set a trap. He was only a man no matter what he claimed to be."

"I am sorry. I am so sorry." Mom sobs, her hands covering her face. Everyone falls silent until headmaster speaks up, "Yes, he is very much alive. I tried to locate him but wasn't able to find him." Headmaster Dumbledore murmurs, his eyes pained, "He has Draconisa. I tried my best to find them but I don't know where they are. I committed a big mistake this time. I hope you can forgive me."

I take a deep and broken breath and stare at dad. There will be no forgiveness for this man.

"I want to see those photographs." Again the exhaustion is almost negligible now. I stand up and walk towards dad.

He backs off.

"Leave the photos alone." Uncle Severus is on his breaking point now. I can read it in his trembling voice and his bent frame.

Aunt Siria is still staring at mom in utter shock.

"She is my bond mate. I have a right to know what's happening to her." I insist sharply and put my hand forward.

Dad swallows and places the photographs on my stretched palm.

I flick through the first couple of them and almost stumble from the sheer shock my brain undergoes. A blonde girl with curvaceous body is knelt in on the floor in the first two. In the first few, she seems around his age. I flick through rest of the photos. In some, she is just seven and in others she is eight and in all of them, she is either on her fours or she is in some kind of submissive position. In a few, she is bound. She is completely dressed but she bound and several delicacies are kept in front of her. She is looking hungrily at them.

In some one them, she is bound and reaching for the glass of water that is cruelly dropped on the floor.

Then I come across the photographs that have just arrived and I slump on the chair. She is on all fours and trays of drinks and dishes are kept on her stretched back. She is in a party and is serving the refreshments to the guests.

"You could get ri-rid of the bond once she is-" Mom starts and I stare incredulously at her tear-streaked face, the photographs clutched tightly in my hands.

"This is all you can think of! Do you have a shred of humanity inside you. I can't believe that I am your son. I am ashamed to have you as my mother and I won't return to the manor now. I will stay with Uncle Severus and Aunt Siria. You threatened them to hide all this from me. You got a legal order to prevent Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy from contacting me. You let an innocent girl face this monstrosity. The bond prevented sexual assault and physical injury. Did you even stop and think for once that there are other ways to torture a child, to ruin a person's mind. Even if I succeed in finding her, I don't think that I can ever bring her back. I don't think that she is really alive inside the trained machine Voldemort has created. You call yourself a mother! Thank Merlin father denied my request for a younger sister. Merlin knows that you would have sold her as well for some greater good. You don't deserve to be a mother. I would expect this of headmaster Dumbledore. He has always been a very practical and self-centered man but I had never expected this from you."

Mom starts crying in earnest now.

"Just place them back in the envelope and give the photos to Lucius. We -"

"Excuse me! I am not giving these photos to anyone. I am burning them. No one will keep these horrible evidences of her past." I exclaim angrily cutting Uncle Severus off, "Are you out of your mind? Mr. Malfoy, you will not keep any of the photos of this kind that you receive from them. I know that you are thinking that why I am doing this when I don't even know her. I am just being human, bond or not."

Mr. Malfoy nods and stares at me, his eyes amazed. I can see a bit of hope arise in Mrs. Malfoy's eyes now. She is staring at me with pleading eyes and my heart clenches. I am not some Saviour. I am only a boy. How will I find her when my godparents and her parents couldn't.

"Okay Harry. Now, we must end this. I can't let this go on forever." Uncle Severus says and I nod. But then the reality really hits me and I understand what he is saying. I stand up and turn to look at him.

"No. Please give me some days. Let me try." I plead. His tortured eyes gaze at me and he murmurs, "We have been trying for the past fifteen years. What difference will you be able to make?"

"Please. Just let me try." I plead again.

"I want to try as well. I can't let you do this Severus. I committed a mistake fifteen years ago and I can't really correct it but you have to let me do this. I have to try. I didn't know about this. I would never have let this go on for so long. I would have tried my best to find her."

"No James, we can't -" Aunt Siria yells but Uncle Severus holds her back.

"All right. You have a week." He murmurs and drags aunt Siria out of headmaster's office. The first thing I do is to find Hermione and Ron. She had told me a few days back that she thinks that Voldemort is alive and I had made fun of her. Maybe she has a lead.

"Harry, please forgive me." Mom whispers and I am at the entryway now. I can't even bear to look at her. Fortunately, dad comes to my rescue and replies mom, "Leave him alone Lily. You don't deserve to be forgiven."

"I just wanted both of you to be safe." She pleads, her voice hoarse and I whirl around, "At the cost of her entire life. I don't want to live this life then if it is built on someone else's pain. Do not contact me mom. I will have to get a legal order issued if you do. I am warning you."

I don't look at Dumbledore but I am sure he gets the hint. His silence proves me. I leave my sobbing mother behind and dad follows me.

"I'll tell you when I have a lead Harry." He says and I nod, disappearing the corridors of the school I consider my second house.

XXXX


End file.
